And I’m the black sheep of the family!
Nobody, including myself, expects a lot from me. I never thought that I would do anything but hide in my flat and take tablets to block out the pain I feel.
When I found SAOL I was surprised that they took me on; and for the first while I kept thinking that they’d sack me anyway, so I didn’t really get involved in anything much.
Then we started singing. I’m a good singer and have always enjoyed singing so this was a big surprise. I hadn’t sung in years and never with a group.
We learned a few other songs then, ‘Get up, stand up’ by Bob Marley and ‘Talkin’ about a revolution’ by Tracey Chapman. We sang that at a conference – we did a flash mob which was great fun and everyone cheered. I never thought I’d be strong enough to sing in public like that.
Then Covid came along and SAOL kept in touch with us and brought us food and things but the singing stopped for a while. I found it very hard. I was back in my flat, lonely and taking tablets to hide the pain again.
One of our classmates died and we were asked to sing at her funeral. So we started to practice ‘Leaving on a jet plane’ for her. I changed some of the lyrics and Ray said they were brilliant and my lyrics are the ones we always sing now when we sing that song. We sing it when we want to remember those who have passed, those who we still miss.
We began to meet outside SAOL on Amiens Street and practice. We were socially distanced and Gary and Réidín were constantly going up and down saying, ‘Social distancing’! We sang at Norma’s funeral and it was sad but it also felt great to be part of the service and to be seen to be doing something good and uplifting. The family were delighted with us and it felt great.
We asked if the singing could continue and Ray and Gary and Réidín made it happen. Three times a week and loads of women showed up.
The buses and the cars were always honking their horns and people from the clinic across the road used to come out to listen and people would be recording us on their mobile homes.
It was a great feeling. We even got our picture in the Irish Times!
When the restrictions eased back we still sang on the street. I couldn’t believe we were brave enough to do it. I’ve never done anything like that and I was not only doing it but also asking for more.
Recovery month is in September and that was a brilliant experience. We went all over the north inner city, singing out and promoting recovery. We had made all the letter of the word RECOVERY out of wood and painted and decorated them and we brought them with us everywhere! We even sang outside the Mansion House. It felt great to be saying to my ma and the kids, ‘I’m going to work’, when I was leaving the house in the evening. They didn’t always believe me but I had the proof with the Facebook videos! We had been putting videos of our singing up on Facebook and we were reaching thousands of people with some of our posts. I was shocked that people would be listening to us.
Even my family were taking heed and looking at us.
“I know when people say that education is for certificates and getting jobs I know that’s true. But it’s not the whole story… now I know that education is about feeling better about yourself. Feeling part of something; not being ashamed anymore – or even for just a few hours.”
We sang outside SAOL for the 25th birthday celebrations (SAOL’s not mine!) and I got to lead one of the songs from the microphone. I was nervous but I did it and I was very proud.
We also wrote a song for the UN Day against Poverty. It’s called ‘Blind’ and some of my ideas and words are in the lyrics. We wrote it as a group and even though we got help with the music, I can say I co-wrote a song that has been all over the world and on local radio too. I was interviewed for the radio, talking about our singing and writing the song. And Ray shot a video for the song too. Our very own pop video. I’m there, dancing along the quays. And we’re not ashamed or anything and it’s just a great feeling.
As I’m remembering everything we’ve done since we started singing ‘Leave a light on’, I can hardly believe it.
I know when people say that education is for certificates and getting jobs I know that’s true. But it’s not the whole story. I will work hard to get my QQI for music – I want my cert to remind me about all this in years to come – but now I know that education is about feeling better about yourself. Feeling part of something; not being ashamed anymore – or even for just a few hours.
That’s what the singing does for me and I’m so happy to be part of it.
_____________________________________________________
Thinking of returning to education as an adult? You may find the following resources helpful:
One Step Up: https://www.onestepup.ie/
Fetch Courses: https://www.fetchcourses.ie/
eCollege: https://www.ecollege.ie/
SAOL Project: https://www.saolproject.ie/